Q: How can we teach our daughters to be more discerning when it comes to their relationships with friends? I realise that girls tend to be more relationship-oriented than boys but I sometimes worry that my two “tween” daughters may be taking this to an unhealthy extreme. Should I be concerned?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: You probably do not need to be overly concerned. Girls at this age do tend to be more relationship-oriented than boys and often absorb friendships intensely, almost like a sponge.
As with puberty, this is a natural stage of development that happens whether parents are ready for it or not. However, be prepared to guide their friendships when necessary.
Encourage them to build relationships in positive ways. Teach them to be kind, inclusive and welcoming towards those who may not be part of their circle of friends.
Emphasise the golden rule and impress upon them the importance of showing compassion towards children who may feel excluded or marginalised by the “popular crowd”.
Remind them that caring people are always more pleasant to be around. Encourage them to choose friends who demonstrate good character.
Remind them that thoughtful, caring people are nicer to be around. Encourage them to choose friends of solid character.
At the same time, alert them to potential pitfalls. Teach your daughters to be cautious of anyone – girl or boy – who tries to “own” them or demands exclusive loyalty. Help them understand that true friendship is freeing and open-ended, not controlling or restrictive.
You should also warn them about the dangers of cliques and the unkind behaviour they can sometimes encourage. There is nothing wrong with having a close group of special friends but it should not become an exclusive and impenetrable “inner circle”.
As long as such friendships remain open to outsiders and newcomers, a group like this can provide girls with many opportunities for healthy, meaningful and enriching social interaction.
Q: I have been hearing about the potential impact of electronic media on children’s health, learning and interpersonal relationships. Should I be concerned? If so, should this affect the limits I set on my children’s screen time and media consumption?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: A few years ago, a comic showed a teenager vacationing with his parents at Mount Kinabalu. Instead of enjoying the breathtaking scenery, he was sitting in the back of the car playing video games. It was a humorous take on a very real and troubling issue.
According to the latest report in Malaysia, 55.7% of children spend between one and four hours online each day while 60.7% of these young users reportedly own their own devices.
Of course, the digital world is not limited to internet use. Movies, television, music and video games all have their place and can be beneficial when used wisely.
However, growing evidence suggests that excessive media use can increase risks related to depression, obesity, attention problems, poor academic performance, anxiety, low self-esteem,and other behavioural concerns.
So yes, parents have good reasons to set limits on their children’s electronic media consumption.
Being a responsible and loving parent sometimes means making difficult choices – such as keeping devices away during meals and bedtime, introducing regular “screen-free” days or even taking a holiday without electronic devices.
Just as important is replacing screen time with meaningful and enjoyable activities. Involving children in deciding what those activities should be can help make the transition easier.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
