From meaningful mealtimes to lifelong commitment, experts share advice on nurturing strong family relationships and healthy marriages.
Q: It seems like dinner is about the only time that our whole family is in one place at the same time. How can we get the most out of our family meal times?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Meals are ideal times for socialising, conversation and celebration. They can and should be an occasion for sharing the day’s events, decompressing, sympathising and encouraging one another.
It is a time to laugh, learn how to speak and listen politely, establish one’s identity as a member of the family and even welcome guests.
Realistically, this is an art, not a science. The key is to strike a proper balance. Don’t adopt such a rigidly “intentional” approach that you squelch spontaneity.
You can use games, stories, questions, books, articles and jokes to get some productive table-talk going. Try asking each family member to share a personal goal or what is something kind that someone did for them today? This can also be a good time to talk about healthy eating habits that can last a lifetime. The possibilities are almost endless.
Ideally, the family table should be characterised by warmth, respect, safety and mutual support. It should be a place where everybody is genuinely interested in what everybody else has to say. That starts with mum and dad. If no one seems to have much to say, try stirring the pot with a few open-ended questions, such as, “What was the highlight of your day?” or “What didn’t go well today?”
Whatever you do, we would strongly suggest that tablets, phones and televisions be turned off before the family gathers. Your physical presence around the table won’t accomplish anything if your minds are somewhere else.
This is a time to talk to one another unhindered by electronic distractions. The whole point is to connect in meaningful ways and get to know each other better.
Q: As newlyweds, what can my spouse and I do to ensure that our marriage will last a lifetime?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: To begin with, believe that it is possible. A growing number of people go into marriage expecting the worst. This is tragic, since fears and negative expectations have a way of becoming self-fulfilling. Set your hearts and minds in a positive direction. If you do, your marriage can beat the odds of today’s sorry statistics. After all, many psychologists believe that the greatest predictor of a lasting marriage is a commitment to marriage itself.
You can maintain that attitude by remembering that marriage is a relationship, not a possession. Yes, we do say “my wife” and “my husband” but that is simply a way of setting boundaries for others outside your marriage to recognise and respect. It is all yours – to protect and nourish.
Look at your marriage as the one of the longest relationships you will ever experience on purpose and you will be well on your way to reaching the goal.
It is also important to keep your faith (no matter the religion) strong and vibrant. The deeper your relationship with God, the more motivation you will have to love and cherish one another. Faith produces gracious attitudes and kindly behaviour. A good sense of humour does not hurt either.
If you are looking for more resources to help you on this journey, visit our website and discover ways to enrich your marriage.
Husbands and wives who have made a journey of many years together know that theirs is a marriage of more than just pleasure or convenience; it is a commitment in which divorce has never been considered an option. We wish you all the best.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my.
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